Volvo C30 Review

Creating more excitement than George Michael's new album (surely there's got to be one coming soon!) "slumped over the wheel" or "stopping traffic" lol ( whatever he'll call it after his finished giving the gay community a bad name being caught constantly passed out in the drivers seat). I got the pleasure of being taken off to cloudy Spain to test the all new hatchback C30 and I have to say it's a great car. With a better backend than your average gym-bunny and a side profile that's so sexy it could melt the heart of even the bitterest of queens, you can't help but fall in love with it.

However it's not just a pretty face! Oh no with a product range to fit everyone's needs from a little 1.6 right up to the T5 sports model Volvo have given us a great selection to choose from. So what's so different about the new Volvo hatch that sets it apart from the A3 and totally pointless BMW 1 Series (cramped doesn't even start to describe it!)? 4 individual seats instead of 5 that's what! Volvo have taken the approach that their new car is really going to be aimed at the trendy lifestyle market rather than the family market so have kicked the back bench seat to the kerb and thrown in 2 rear seats with a rather comfortable armrest in the middle. The rear seats still drop down and fold for extra space making the C30 just as practically as your standard hatch, luggage space is still good with the seats up so you won't be trying to cram in your January sale bargains. I drove the D5 (diesel) and the T5 sports on the trip and have to say my pick would be the T5, it's a great performance package and really holds the road well even under stressfully driving conditions (by that I mean you driving like a nutter, not the car being stressed because it cant find matching gloves and scarf in the Harvey Nicks sale), the D5 wasn't as great as I was expecting with some flat spots in acceleration in the top gears, however that could be down to the auto box or me having only 4hrs sleep the previous night rather than poor performance.

It your looking at hatchbacks I firmly recommend you look at the new C30, it's a great car and the totally package, it's styley ultra cool and it's going to be cheaper that its rivals like for like and with this Volvo you don't have to be a 30+ Slone ranger with 3 sproggs called Tabitha, Tamara and Tarquin to drive one.

I had the pleasure this week of being whisked off to not-so-sunny-but-still-warmer-than-here Mallorca by Volvo to spend a few days tanking around the island roads in their all new and rather wonderful C30 Sports hatch. The all-new C30 will mark a return for Volvo to the small hatchback market and will be competing against the likes of the uglier-than-a-fat-queen-in-a-crop-top BMW 1 series and delightful Audi A3, however the Volvo will cost less than both and be better equipped like for like. TopGayer top pick would be the T5 with its 200bhp turbo charged engine delivering real sports performance and great handling.

The C30 is an absolute dream to drive, it handles well and looks stunning, really putting its competition to shame with its ultra modern looks and fantastic back end (all glass tail gate!). On the down side the D5 diesel I drove did have a few flat spots in the performance, although I was driving the 5 speed auto box, which could have had something to do with it. Inside it's not your normal hatchback either with 4 individual seats instead of the standard 2 + 3 arrangement. It's very comfortable, like all Volvo's it feels ultra safe and very well put together with a quality finish. I predict this all new Volvo will be a top seller and a big hit with us gays, mainly because its just so different and styley, so make sure if your mooching around looking for your new hatch you pop into your local Volvo dealer as orders are being taken now and there is sure to be a long waiting list very soon.

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R-DESIGN

When Volvo launched the C30 I loved it, it was funky, sporty and compact, yet it did what it promised and performed well, looked great and was a lot of fun to drive. Enter stage left the all new R design version of the popular 4 seater hatch…

The R design I had through on test was the 2.0L turbo diesel SE Sport variant, which meant not only did it perform better than lap dancer in the presence of Peter Stringfellow, but also handled beautifully and returned an amazing 500 miles on a tank of Diesel.

So what makes the R Design more special than a night playing strip twister with Justin Timberlake? Well Volvo haven't souped up the engine, nor have they altered the suspension so it's lower than a rent boys knickers. The SE Sport R design comes as standard with 18" 'Atreus' Alloy wheels and a big beefy bodykit, which adds a big yet tasteful rear spoiler, lower more imposing front bumper, chrome exhaust tips, big R Design badge in the front grille, chrome effect wing mirrors and a overall sportier profile added to the exterior. Inside the R Design edition sports seats hold you just firm enough to make you feel hugged in the right areas whilst not tight enough to cut off the blood supply to your legs lol. You also get a shed load of R Design badges on the (unique to the trim level) leather steering wheel, R Design logo embossed onto the seats, Gear-knob, blue 'racing' instrument dials, aluminium deco trim throughout and aluminium sports pedals.

Now before you start thinking that this model costs a fortune… the model I tested was under 20k and the most popular R Design model is actually the entry level 1.6 Sport R Design priced at a very reasonable £14,995, giving the younger driver the ability to own a sportier little number that isn't going to cost the earth to insure and run.

Maximum Top Gayer points awarded to Volvo this month for a truly great little motor.